Tricks Are No Treat
by Trynia Merin
Summary: Special Halloween Story: My fourth DM Story, where DM and M6 must go to a super secret halloween party where the new codes will be revealed... and Duckula threatens to steal them....
1. Costume party

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Disclaimer: I don't own Danger Mouse, he's property of Cosgrove Hall productions. Lori L'amour aka M6 and Bagel are my characters, as are others here. This is fanfiction, not for profit… and no harm to the makers of the World's Greatest cartoon about the World's Greatest Secret agent…

Story 4! WOOHOO! My thanks to Sabertooth Kitty, Ellie ET and all you wonderful DM Agents at Clubdm.com who have encouraged me to continue with the fun! And now to a special Halloween story…

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Tricks are NO Treat

By Trynia Merin

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Part 1

Narrator Isenbard: London, England. Home of the stiff upper lipped, the upper crust, who on the eve of All Hallows put aside their tea and crumpets for masks and mayhem, and the occaisional rubber spider in the bath, or the bags filled with jelly babies and aniseed balls in exchange for garishly costumed trick or treaters….

Home to, of the World's Greatest Secret Agent, who in his mayfair pillarbox is preparing for the annual agent's ultra super secret costume party, where the codes for the new year will be revealed in top, secret secret fashion…

It was almost Halloween, and Penfold was scared STIFF. He hated this holiday, for everyone donned costumes and masks to scare the living daylights out of him and everyone else who jumped at the smallest noise. Slowly he tiptoed past the bathroom where he knew Lori had rushed off to with some strange items. From one corner of the living room he heard a characteristic whirring, and saw Bagel with a mouthful of pins between her lips.

"Oh Crumbs I HATE this time of year," Penfold whimpered as he carried a feather duster and a can of lemon fresh sledge wood polish.

"What's not to like?" Bagel laughed as she spoke through the mouthful of pins. She reloaded the bobbin, and Penfold noticed the strange filmy gown she seemed to be sewing on. It looked a lot like a sailor suit.

"Everything," Penfold groaned. "What's that?"

"My costume. I'm going to be Sailor Moon," she said, holding up the dress. He saw a tiara set to one side with a glitter filled wand with a crescent moon on top, along with a pattern and a blonde wig with long pigtails. At least she wasn't going to be anything scary; he sighed with internal relief.

"Carrots, I just don't see what's so exciting about bein' scared half to death," Penfold mumbled as Bagel finished stitching her costume and lay it over the chair.

"Don't tell me you're not going to the costume party," Bagel said.

"Penfold, have you finished my costume yet?" asked Danger Mouse as he strode in with his hands folded behind his back. "Colonel K's expecting us there this year, and you KNOW he's expecting ALL the agents to be there…"

"Lummie DM please tell me I don't have to go!" Penfold groaned as he rushed over to the closet of the small sewing room and started to rummage through the racks. 

"Now Penfold I KNOW that you're scared, but it's only a party," DM smiled sympathetically.

"In Germany at Castle Forkenstein?" groaned Penfold, wincing. "No thank you!"

"Well if you want to miss all the sweets, that's your loss," DM chuckled. "And you KNOW there's no such thing as ghosts… and I'm SURE someone will be there to hold your hand…"

Here he winked at Bagel, who blushed, and wandered over to see where Penfold had pulled a white garment bag out of the closet. Handing it to DM he unzipped it, and DM looked fondly at the royal Navy suit there with a smile. "Very good Penfold… but where is the hat?"

"Over here Danger Mouse," Penfold said as he took down a hatbox, and Bagel saw him open it. Removing a nineteenth century admiral's hat, he held it out to the secret agent.

"Smashing…"

"Wait there's a thread here," Penfold said. "Do try it on… I want to make certain it fits right…"

"Really you did take my measurements last week," DM chuckled as Penfold slipped the coat off the hanger and DM held out his arms. Once he wore the coat, he donned the hat, and put it to one side, holding his arm to his chest in a dramatic pose.

"You're not Napoleon are you?" Bagel asked.

"Good Grief no," DM laughed. "I'm Admiral Horatio Nelson…"

"Who?" Bagel asked.

"Oh dear, you don't know?" DM asked slowly, forgetting for a moment that most Americans weren't as savvy with British history as he. 

"Ee's the one what helped win the battle of Trafalgar," Penfold explained, brushing off the velvet coat with a garment brush as DM turned in front of the mirror.

"Trafalgar, as in the square? You mean that dude that's on the top of that pillar where all the pigeons roost?" Bagel asked. 

"Top of the class, but you must brush up on your British history, Bagel," DM said slowly with a lopsided grin. "We can't have your fellow agents thinking you haven't learned anything from your stay here." 

"Sorry," Bagel groaned. "Oops… no offense…"

"None taken," DM said. "I'm only teasing you. Do try to relax…"

"Relax he says," Penfold mumbled. "EE doesn't have everyone playing pranks on 'im…"

"It's only one night Penfold, really…" said DM. "And you KNOW attendance is mandatory…"

"Why?" Bagel asked. "I mean if Penfold's so scared why make him go?"

"Because, the top secret codes for the New Year will be introduced there," DM said to Bagel. "And every agent knows they have a duty to be there…"

"Can't I just have YOU tell me what they are, Chief?" Penfold asked.

"Penfold, really," DM sighed. "You KNOW Rule 49, subsection A, stroke II-d…"

"Em… what's that?" asked Penfold, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose.

"It was in the new rulebook, really," DM shook his head. "The green manual with the RED letters? It came by EXTRA special delivery just one month ago? It says Holiday Updates…"

"OH… so THAT's what that was! I thought that was the new Christmas catalogue…" Penfold blushed. "I used it to prop up the kitchen table like…"

"Really Penfold," DM groaned. "The new rulebooks ALWAYS masquerade with a false cover… and they change the season every year so the enemy agents don't find out… didn't they teach you ANYTHING in training?"

"Sorry DM," groaned Penfold, abashed.

"I suggest you read it in the car on the way to the party," DM said. "Now, you need a costume…"

"Oh heck," Penfold groaned.

"DM, just HOW will they give out the new codes?" asked Bagel. "And do I have to read that manual too?"

"Penfold, go fetch the rulebook for Bagel, there's a good lad," DM said. "Maybe you can help refresh her on the new rules whilst I go to the wardrobe and see if I can find a costume… perhaps that set of bunny sleepers that your Auntie made you would do on short notice…"

"Cor, good idea, I'm NOT going as anything scary," said Penfold as he helped take the agent's Nelson costume off, and Danger Mouse quickly placed it back in its protective garment bag, and returned the hat to its box.

"Smashing costume Bagel," DM said as he glanced at her sailor outfit. "Are you going as the Cracker Jack girl?"

"Cor DM, you're fooling me…" Penfold laughed. 

"What?" DM asked as Penfold and Bagel started to giggle, and Penfold dashed off to the kitchen.

"Never mind," Bagel giggled. "Let's just say YOU need to brush up on your pop culture!"

"Now look here," DM said as the two assistants started to giggle.

"C'mon let's get that rule book and see if we can cram," Bagel said. "I'm sure it's not THAT bad…"

"Do I HAVE to?" Penfold groaned.

"I'll help you cram," said Bagel as she took his hand and lead him out.

"What are you going as?" DM asked as he rushed after them.

"Never mind DM, it would take too long to explain," Bagel teased as she urged Penfold to the kitchen. "C'mon show me where that… catalog is…"

"Right," Penfold smiled as he caught her wink, and felt her hand squeeze his.

"That'll show him," she whispered. "Forcing you to go to a spooky party… the NERVE…"

"Americans," DM mumbled as he watched them go into the kitchen. As he wandered down the hall he heard loud maniacal laughter coming from Lori's bedroom and winced. Thinking an invasion had happened, he rushed to her door, his sensitive ears picking up a monstrous voice growling, "OHHH YEAH? I'm the LORD of the WASTELAND! I gather DARKNESS to please me…"

"Hold on, I'm coming!" shouted DM as he kicked open the door. Lori spun about, and DM gasped when he saw her whirl about, her hands in the attack position.

"DM what on EARTH?" Lori gasped. 

Her room was free of danger, and the source of the noise was a loud rock tune blaring from her portable CD player. He spied the distinctive letters spelling out her favorite band's name, and sighed. Along with a Byrdsmyth banner hanging up on the wall with many rock and roll posters with the B and the winged logo, she was standing before the mirror in the vanity with a mix of black and white face paints.

"Good Grief what is that… cacophony?" DM asked.

"DM you scared me to death!" Lori gasped. He suddenly saw that she was wearing rather garish black and white face paint like some Japanese Kabuki dancer, with a black star edged in silver painted over her right eye, and blood red lipstick, and a long black wig. The star spangled leotard conformed to her body like a second skin under the bluejean vest.

"That's your costume?" DM asked as he suddenly chuckled at the hilarity of it all. She looked like one of the band members on the large tour poster that read, "Ladies and gentlemen we present Gila Scalesimm and Saul Stann late of one of the hottest bands in the land, along with Stevie Byler for their Seventies Spectacular tour…" 

"Yes," she said. "Like it?"

"It's er… different," DM said with a chuckle. "Er, can you please turn that down?"

"Sure," she said, turning down the music as she turned to him. "So, you got your costume straightened out?"

"Quite," DM nodded, relieved at the silence. "But I'm worried about Penfold. He's misplaced the updated agent manual AGAIN!"

"Oh dear," Lori sighed. "You mean the one that masquerades as a holidays mail order catalogue? I saw it propping up the kitchen table, and I thought that was your top secret hiding place…"

DM sighed again, and shook his head as he said, "If he doesn't know the new regulations, I'm rather worried. What if Greenback…"

"Don't worry," Lori smiled. "I'm sure you already have it memorized, and could quote any phrase to him…"

"I know he's rather frightened of the Halloween party, but it's a requirement. Every agent and their assistant must be present for the code updates…" said DM with concern. "Last year he barely made it. I had to put the poor fellow in my rucksack because I was dressed as Where's Waldo… and the poor lad passed out with shock by the time Colonel K came out to read them…"

"What was he dressed as, and how will the codes be revealed?" asked Lori. "I know at our party in RATS we hid them in a jack o' lantern…"

"Colonel K might put them in one of the apples for the apple bobbing contest," DM said. "I was entrusted with the secret hiding place, and only TOP agents know where they are before they are revealed to the rest… I figured you being a class M agent you could be entrusted…"

"Yes, but what about Bagel and Penfold? I hate to say it, but she DOES scare easily…"

"We'll have to keep an eye on them…" DM mumbled. Suddenly the videophone buzzed with a loud alarm and both agents rushed out of Lori's room. 

Static crackled as the videophone in the parlor buzzed into life, replaced with an image of a clown with frizzy red hair, a red nose, and a few tears down one eye, his face smirched with white. Lori chuckled at the hat and baggy shirt with the garish cauliflower pinned to the lapel of a rainbow and poka dot jacket over a plaid shirt.

"Ah Dangermouse, M6… good to see you…" said Colonel K's voice. 

"Good… disguise," Lori chuckled.

"Jolly good show what M6? Getting into the clown act too eh? Nothing like those old circus memories?" Colonel K chuckled when he saw Lori's costume and makeup.

"But I'm not a clown…" she sighed as DM shook his head and chuckled.

"M6, shush," DM chuckled. "Colonel, what's the problem?"

"Trouble DM, with a capital D," Colonel K said.

"Don't you mean a T?" asked DM.

"I mean a D, Dangermouse… as in… Duckula…"

"Good GRIEF, not HIM again!" Danger Mouse sighed.

"Yes him," said the Colonel. "Rumor has it that he's going to try and crash our top secret party, as the ENTERTAINMENT!"

"Who's Duckula?" asked Lori.

"One of the most NEFARIOUS villains… and his WORST crime is wanting to get on telly," DM said grimly. "At the bottom of all his fiendish plots is that one goal…"

"And the civilized world would be doomed, if he got his way," said Colonel K seriously. "Your task is to keep an eye out for Duckula, if he comes into the party as the entertainment… and put a STOP to him, before he terrorizes our agents and guests…"

"What's so bad about him?" asked Lori. "I mean the garbage on TV lately…"

"You haven't crossed paths with him yet," DM shuddered. "He puts the T in TERRIBLE. As in TERRIBLE acting…"

"Uh oh…" said Lori. "What should I do?"

"Assist Danger Mouse. And DM, make sure Penfold doesn't fall asleep this year?" said Colonel K.

"Right Colonel, you can count on me!" DM nodded.

"And me," Lori nodded.

"Good show. Colonel K out," said the Colonel as he honked a party horn. "See you at the party at eight sharp!"

AS the video picture faded to a small dot, Lori turned to DM. Shaking her head this time she said, "Clown? Really!"

"Well you ARE wearing clown white makeup," said DM with a chuckle.

"True… but it's the ONLY makeup that Smooch uses…"

"Well, we'd best get cracking… who KNOWS when Duckula will strike," DM said good-naturedly. "Now… about Penfold's costume… I think he put the bunny sleeper in his closet…"

"Bunny?" Lori asked.

"It's the best I could do on short notice…" DM said. 

"But what's Penfold…"

"If he knows what's good, he'll be boning up on that manual," said DM. "It IS a few hours flight to Castle Forkenstein…"

"And you're SURE he won't fall asleep reading it?" asked Lori.

"Not if I bring some insurance," DM smiled amusedly as he reached into a drawer and pulled out a small flower with a squeeze bulb. He pinned it to Lori's vest. "There, one trick squirting flower. If he nods off, you give it a squeeze…"

"DM I'm NOT a clown!" Lori protested as DM rushed off in a mirthful mood. She realized it was going to be a LONG night. What was it about Halloween that brought out the mischievous nature in the most straight arrow deadpan people? She'd heard a few horror stories from Penfold that DM could be a bit of a practical joker on occasion. It was compensation for his normally proper mood, and she had known her share of people with his personality suddenly slip in the odd joke at the most interesting moment. Including an infamous April fools prank that Penfold related when DM had slipped wet spaghetti into Penfold's macramé yarns, and the poor hamster had made a whole plant holder out of linguini, only to have it dry up and crack to pieces with his favorite potted geranium. It was all meant in fun, but sometimes… she wondered if on the bottom side of DM's normally stoic and controlled nature there was a little boy mouse side to him that was dying to pop out of the proper British confines.

"Always the serious ones who have the WIERDEST sense of humor, especially the BRITISH," Lori mumbled.

***

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Narrator Isenbard: Will Duckula crash the Ultra top secret agent party, and will Penfold be scared stiff or bored silly? Find out in the next hair raising part of Danger Mouse!


	2. Squarkencluck's uncle

Disclaimer: I don't own DM… blah blah blah… same as before… sorry this is late, but it's still fun and means no harm to Cosgrove Hall! Agent M6 Lori and Bagel are my own characters!

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Tricks are No Treat!

By Trynia Merin

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Part 2

Narrator Isenbard: In our last episode, DM and Penfold were on their way to the annual Agents halloween party, to intercept the secret codes with Agent M6 and Bagel. When news that Duckula might crash the party came, our heroes were warier then the wary… but does our hero have a dark mischevious side to him… will he get to Penfold before Duckula will, and what nefarious scheme does the duck of disastrous acting have in store….

Now as they wend their way across a dark sky, with a full moon to Castle Forkenstein, our heroes and heroines have no idea that the masterminding mallard of mayhem is in fact hitching a ride on the…

Ducula's voice from the darkness, hanging onto something by his fingenails: SHHH! You want me to be discovered? And ruin all my planning with some cheap plot exposition! SHAME!!!

Isenbard: But…

Ducula's voice as he glances down from a great height and swallows: You want me to call my agent at the actor's guild on you? C'mon, work with me here!

Isenbard: Sorry… ahem… onto our story…

The Mark III hurtled across the sky, which was slowly darkening. Penfold shivered in his pink bunny pajamas, the ears flapping in the cold air. Danger Mouse was dashing in his Lord Nelson costume, and Lori was a startling contrast in her Smooch groupie outfit. Pressing a button, DM activated the air-hardening canopy to keep off the driving rain, which suddenly battered them. In a matter of seconds 1% of the air was filtered overtop, forming an impenetrable bubble that shielded them all from the elements. Normally DM liked to keep his face to the wind like the pilots of WWI, but in inclement weather he thought discretion was wiser.

"There it is, Castle Forkenstein," he pointed to a castle tucked on the side of a sloping craggy mountain. Over the Alps they flew, toward southern Germany, in the region known as the Rhineland-Pfaltz, where many a castle had been erected by the Prussians of old, and the Austria-Hungarians. A flash of lightening made Penfold whimper and grab Bagel's hand as the thunder sounded ominously just outside.

"CRUMBS!" he cried, and suddenly leapt out of his seat, only to smack his head against the top of the canopy. He landed in Bagel's lap, shivering as he clung to her.

"Oh Penfold DO get a grip…" DM sighed.

"I don't mind," Bagel smiled as Penfold suddenly realized where he was sitting and blushed as he shifted over onto the back seat again.

"Sorry…" he stammered.

"It's okay," she chuckled, giving him a wink, and it made him momentarily forget his fear. For some strange reason he forgot to be a coward when he was around her.

"Wow, that's quite a joint," Lori muttered as DM circled the peak, glancing around to see a special train slowly tracking up the mountain. So steep it was that only a cable car and a nearly diagonal train were the only ways to get up, other then a winding road that seemed to be washed out.

"How are the agents getting there?" asked Bagel. "Super secret express?"

"Well, more like ordinary train," DM said as he pointed down to a cable car slowly winding its way up the mountain. 

"Better them then us," mumbled Penfold as he shivered again, and Bagel held his hand. He felt his own hand clammy with sweat, and was glad he was wearing mittens that went with the costume so she couldn't feel how sweaty his palms were.

They didn't see a shadowy figure clinging to the bottom of the cable car that ascended the mountain as DM took the Mark III in for a landing. Penfold shivered as he glanced down at something tucked beneath the cable car, as DM whizzed past. For a moment he could swear he saw a black caped figure, like a bat hanging upside down.

"There's Colonel K's car now," DM pointed as they circled back, and slowly bumped to a landing on the stretch of road wending the rest of the way up to the castle.

"Look at that," Penfold whispered as a flash of lightening suddenly flared, and he shivered at the sight of a pair of beady eyes. Soon they landed and pulled up the winding dirt road the rest of the way. From behind they heard the dieseling sound of a rackety tour bus, that pulled up to a stop at the edge of a moat. Overhead loomed the castle's massive shape, a moat surrounding it while its spires rose into the night, some with peaked caps that made Penfold think of witches and wizards. Behind them the bus dieseled to a stop, and they heard the clanking of a cable car slowly wheezing overhead, to dock at a platform high on the ramparts of the outer wall. Glancing up, Lori saw that there was a cable car station platform, its large wheel grinding much like a ski lift as the cable car docked.

"That's some of the agents behind us in that bus," DM whispered to Lori. "They make the juniors ride up in the bus… and the VIPS ride in the cable car…"

"And the extra special ones go by Mark III?" Lori asked with a chuckle.

"Indeed," DM nodded. 

"What now DM, do we knock?"

"I have to give the ultra secret signal," said DM. He punched a button on the car's panel, and blinked his lights in a Morse code signal. Another crash of lightening beamed in, and Penfold again whimpered, only to calm down when he felt Bagel's hand squeeze his again.

A clanking noise sounded, and Penfold flinched as the drawbridge slowly lowered, on the clinking of two massing metal chains, slowly yawning like a huge monster. As the edge of the drawbridge banged only two feet from the hood of the Mark III, Penfold yelped at the sight of huge spikes now visible.

"Crikey, TEETH!"

"No, that's a portcullis," Bagel whispered, showing him in the lights of the Mark III, which beamed on the raised spikes. Normally it could lower and a massive iron grid would serve as a second line of defense if the drawbridge happened to be down. A light flared on, a single spot as DM opened the canopy and stood up in his seat, posting dramatically.

"Open, says me!" he shouted. 

"Mummy's the word!" called a loud voice, in German. Slowly a small figure toddled out, and Penfold gasped in relief to see Professor Squarkencluck walking up in a baronial outfit, much different from his usual labcoat.

"Welcome to mine castle," he said, throwing out his arms.

"HIS castle?" Bagel asked.

"Ohh 'eck," Penfold whispered. "It's been in his family for YEARS… I always KNEW he was from a whole line of dotty mad scientists…"

"Runs in the family," Bagel shivered, and Penfold saw her fear.

"He's harmless," said Danger Mouse. "After all, he's the host, and he's the top boffin for the Agency…"

"Come in, Danger Mouse," he waved, holding up a lantern. "There's plenty of places to park, ja? And do move out of the way of the juniors, nein?"

"Ja… nein…" DM said, and chuckled as he pulled up into the drawbridge, and Squarkencluck moved to one side, holding the lantern. A huge pool of light bathed the Mark III, and soon they motored under the huge teeth of the portcullis, which was already raised. For a moment Penfold was sure it would come clanking down. From behind them, only 20 yards the bus dieseled up and Squarkencluck held up his hand.

The driver, a rabbit, poked his head out and said, "Open Says me!"

"Mummy's the word, ja?" Squarkencluck shouted. "Enter… and abandon all hope.. ja?"

"Oh come off it guvner," the rabbit laughed. "Stop scarin the Juniors…"

"Ach, mein freund, Agent 23…" he laughed as he clambered on board the bus. "You know its part of the initiation…"

"Yeah, I do," he chuckled as he pulled in after the mark III.

***

Inside the courtyard they entered a different world. Squarkencluck was indeed the family that owned Castle Forkenstein, and he was descended from a long line of eccentric noblemen, many of them scientists in the tradition of his family. Even though he didn't live here, his uncle, Count Squarkencluck did, and the elderly Count had decorated the entire place in full Halloween fun. Grand lanterns and torches lit the way up a path with prop skeletons, tombstones and jack o lanterns peeping from many a shadowed tunnel entrance. The main banquet hall was alight with thousands of twinkling candles, as the VIP agents already milled about the vast polished floor. Open rafters and a whitewashed ceiling faulted overhead, a huge marble fireplace set with a roaring fire and meat turning on a spit at the end under the Squarkencluck coat of arms. Stag heads and other trophies lined the walls, also hung with family portraits going back to medieval times. 

Vast tables were set with a smorgasbord of treats, including eyeball punch, spookghetti, and many other gross looking but totally edible treats. The Juniors, in their costumes milled around, glancing with oohs and ahs in their masks. One could tell the VIP and lead boffins, for their costumes were fancy and elaborate, with silken masks and feathers, while the Juniors and less senior agents had garish plastic and youthful costumes that reflected the younger tastes. All manners of comic book, sitcom and other popular characters were represented. Seven young agents were the castaways from Pelican's Island, while seven others were dressed as the Seven Dwarves, with Ms. Boathook as Snow White.

Colonel K in his French Clown outfit stood by the apple bobbing tank, as Danger Mouse and M6 looked on. Penfold glanced around, relieved to see the well-lit banquet hall swarming with people, as sound effects record played rather haunting organ music. "So when is the entertainment?" Lori asked.

"That's what we're holding our breath for. We did hire some local entertainment, but Count Duckula could strike at any time," whispered Colonel K. "Be on your guard…"

"I didn't know Squarkencluck owned a castle," Lori said. "From what DM told me he was a boffin…"

"His uncle Sigfried is the count," whispered DM. "And he's a bit… eccentric…"

"Like Dr. Frankenstein?" joked Lori.

"Quite," DM whispered.

"Welcome, welcome all!" shouted Squarkencluck as he clapped his hands. "I introduce to you all, meine Damen und Herren, our host… my most esteemed uncle, and the one who pitched me into the lab for the first time… Count Sigfriend Von Squarkencluck…"

Out from a back room hobbled a rather geriatric mole, with frizzy white hair, unkempt, tapping an ivory handled cane. His glasses were thick as coke bottle bottoms, with golden rims, and he appeared even more blind then his nephew. A long black cape draped over his hunched shoulders, while a red sash crossed his rather sizable stomach and shoulder, fastening at his hip under the black velvet suit. He stumbled up onto a big chair, and stood upon it to address all assembled.

"Meine guests, eat, drink, and be SCARED!" he said in a loud voice, with an accent even thicker then his nephews. "May the entertainment begin. And first for the youngsters, a rather loud and live show… to start off the fright. I mean the night…"

"Good grief," mumbled Danger Mouse as the lights plunged into darkness, and Penfold yelped. He leapt into Dm's arms and clung to his chief, whimpering.

"Oh boy," Bagel whispered, hugging closely to Lori.

"It's okay…"

"Mein Uncle, you SAID you'd take it easy!" Squarkencluck barked cautiously as suddenly a loud guitar chord split the night, and scary music blared on. A spotlight suddenly shone on a huge organ at the other end of the hall, and to his immediate left there was a stage set up, and Lori screamed when she saw a familiar band suddenly flaring into full song.

"Lori?" gasped Bagel.

"Oh my GOODNESS, they have Smooch!" she cried as the familiar band began to play their lead song, complete with garish white makeup, black leather and sequins. The younger agents whooped as the older ones stuck their fingers in their ears.

"Good grief," Danger Mouse mumbled. "At least it isn't Duckula…"

Sighing to himself he set Penfold down, and turned to the Colonel, who didn't appear to be phased by the loud lively rock music. Penfold rushed over to Bagel's side, and Bagel smiled, tapping her toe to the music. It was rather catchy, and she glanced up at Count Squarknecluck, who was playing the organ right along with the rock band!

"He's not bad for an old geezer," she whispered to Penfold.

"Cor…" Penfold whispered. "DM hates this stuff…"

"Let's dance," Bagel smiled as they joined the other Juniors dancing wildly on the floor. 

"Colonel, is this a joke?" DM asked.

"What DM?"

"The MUSIC IS LOUD!" DM shouted.

"I can't hear you DM, the music's loud," the Colonel said.

"OH really, Colonel," sighed DM as he shook his head.

"Sorry DM, boffins fixed me with earplugs…" said the Colonel, pulling one out. Lori had rushed up to stand in front, glancing up into the eyes of the lead singer, the Superstar, who was posing and shaking his tail to the music as all the young female agents swooned at his pouting red lips and lean muscled body. Gila Scalesimm, the Dragon, stomped menacingly around the stage, as the others played along. 

"What possessed them to hire this band?" DM asked.

"Was the count's idea," said the Colonel, leading DM over to a secluded spot, away from the loud speakers. "The boffins figured it'd be a distraction… and that if Duckula was here… he might get into the action… what?"

"I'll say," DM said slowly. "If he IS here… then perhaps he'd want to upstage them. I have to admit it is a clever ploy… but how long do we have to endure this?"

"Here ist mein latest invention," Professor Squarkencluck said as he waddled up and shoved a set of earplugs into the hands of the agent. DM glanced down to see a pair of small earplugs, and nodded with relief. He slid them into his ears, and the loud raucous rock suddenly faded to a rather nice sounding melody.

"Not bad, but too loud," he mumbled, shaking his head as Lori stood transfixed at the front of the room. "I just hope she keeps to her duty…"

Turning back to the Colonel, and to Squarkencluck, he asked, "Whose idea was this? I must admit this is rather clever… I am surprised I didn't think of it…"

"Would you believe M6?" asked the Colonel. DM glanced in surprise.

"Why was I not told?" he asked, mildly piqued.

"Your hands were full trying to get Penfold to come, and besides, you have to find the secret codes," said the Colonel. DM mumbled something and moved off.

"I'm going to keep an eye out for Duckula…" he said. and moved over to try and find Penfold. As he moved through the buffeting crowed gyrating to the loud beat, he suddenly saw Penfold and Bagel dancing there in the forest of junior agents. A sudden thought crossed his mind, and a mischievous smile twitched the corners of his lips when he spied what was on the nearby table. Slowly he walked over and picked up a handful of what appeared to be spaghetti. He tiptoed up behind Penfold and Bagel, and slowly draped the strange slimly stuff on the backs of their necks. Both of them yelped and leapt a foot into the air when they felt something on the back of their neck. Before long they had rushed out of the mass of the dancers and into a side room, screaming as they went.

DM whistled to himself as he moved out of sight, and slipped something into his pocket. He moved up behind Lori, and then taped something to her back. She didn't even notice she was so wrapped up in the music. Smiling to himself, DM wandered off, glancing around for any sign of Duckula.

Colonel K yelped as something slammed into his backside. Whirling around he gasped as he stared at agent 23. "What the deuce are you doing man?"

"What the sign says, sir," he stammered as the Colonel picked himself up off the floor.

"What on EARTH is that, you idiot!" the Colonel huffed.

"The sign… it said kick me," Agent 23 said, as he pointed to the Colonel's back.

"What… how dare you…" the Colonel gasped till he reached up and felt something taped to his back. Gasping he read the words, "Kick Me" spelled in black handwriting on a small sign.

"I thought I was following orders sir," Agent 23 stammered.

"Good gracious, it can only be the work of Duckula… look sharp men!" he said, suddenly forgetting 23's confusion. Relieved, 23 saluted and rushed off to ready himself. 

"What IS this?" Bagel yelped as she clawed something off her neck. 

"WORMS!" Penfold screeched as he clawed off the squiggly mass of yuck. When the two hamsters stopped screaming and running they glanced at one another. 

"Penfold, something red's on you…" she gasped as she pointed to his shoulder and then saw red sticky stuff on her fingers.

"I'm bleeding… oh eck I'm too young to die… done in… by blood sucking worms…" he gasped as he reached up and saw the stickiness. Gasping he almost fainted.

"OH no… me too!" Bagel screamed as she felt the sticky red stuff on her fingers. "Oh no… it must be Duckula!"

"D… don't move… I'll save you!" Penfold said gallantly, as he moved over and grabbed the squiggly worm off her shoulder and threw it to the floor. He stamped on it, forgetting his own fears.

"No wait," Bagel said as she suddenly saw what Penfold was grinding into the floor. She put her finger in her mouth and tasted… ketchup?

"Nasty, slimy thing… blood sucking worm! Even though I'm about to die, you'll go with me you rotten thing!" Penfold shouted as he jumped up and down on a messy puddle of red and squishy white mush.

"Penfold, it's not blood… it's ketchup!" she said. "We've been tricked…"

"What?" he asked as she stood there, licking her fingers.

"And you're making a mess on the floor. These are gummy worms dipped in tomato sauce!" 

"Cor eck…" Penfold gasped as she pointed to the mass of mess. He stopped grinding it into the carpet, and groaned when he realized that it stuck to the bottom of his shoe, and his costume was soaked with tomato sauce and gummy worm gook.

"That was brave of you, trying to rescue me… but this is a nasty trick…" she said as she wiped the mess off. Penfold shed his costume, wearing his blue suit underneath.

"Someone's got a nasty sense of humor, like," Penfold mumbled as he glanced at Bagel. "I nearly died of fright!"

"So did I…" she nodded. Suddenly they heard a loud squawking noise and a flash of lightening as they spun around.

"Oy Vey," she gasped. "Who's that."

"Someone started the party without me?" said an American accented voice. "I'm hurt!"

"Oh Crumbs!"

"Well, well, and pranks too…" said a cackling laugh as a green duck stood before them, his hand before his bill. "And two yahoos to try my new act on."

"You rotter, I might have KNOWN you'd pull a nasty trick!" Penfold pointed to the mess on the floor as he and Bagel huddled together.

"Do I know you?" asked Bagel.

"It's… c… c… c…" Penfold's teeth chattered as he hugged Bagel close, and slowly backed her away with him, further down the hall. A cape flared out as the stranger advanced on them, his yellow eyes intense as he stalked up.

"Count D… dddd… Duckula, at your service," he said, bowing dramatically. "And could you tell me WHY they started the party without moi?"

"You're behind this prank?" Bagel gasped. "You're… the one that everyone's scared of…"

"Run!" cried Penfold as he grabbed her hand and pulled her after him.

"Wait! I only wanna know where the host it!" Duckula shouted after them. "I wanna get in on the act!"

He slipped in the puddle of goo and felt on his backside, glancing around as the two hamsters ran away screaming, for their lives. Slowly he got up and looked at the ketchup on his fingers, drooling. He began to slurp it off, and then mumbled to himself.

"Better get started. Someone started the pranks without me…" he mumbled as he rushed off after the hamsters. "And those two are my first victims… er… audience members. Maybe they can take me to the host of this shindig… and I'll show them how Halloween is REALLY celebrated… once I perfect my hy… hypo… drat… that thingy this Count hid in his basement…"

He reached under his cape and pulled out what appeared to be a strange whirling mirror on top of a silver rod. He spun it slowly, and began to sing along to the music. Nodding to himself he finished slurping ketchup from his fingers as he took the bag he was carrying with his costumes and showbiz gear and rushed after Penfold and Bagel. As he realized that they had accused him of a practical joke, it dawned on him that he wished HE had thought of the gummi worms in the ketchup trick….

****

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Narrator Isenbard: Oh no… Duckula plans to get in on the act, and use Penfold and Bagel to get to the host! And he's not behind the pranks… if he isn't, who is… to find out watch the next spine chilling episode of Danger Mouse…


	3. Monsters Mashed

Tricks are No Treat!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Danger Mouse, he's property of Cosgrove Hall productions. Lori L'amour aka M6 and Bagel are my characters, as are others here. This is fanfiction, not for profit… and no harm to the makers of the World's Greatest cartoon about the World's Greatest Secret agent…

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Tricks are NO Treat

By Trynia Merin

Part 3

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Narrator: In our last episode, Duckula crashed the concert, and sent our heroes assistants running, while Danger Mouse disappeared. Now, M6 and the Squarkenclucks are a captive audience to the world's worst rock wannabe!

A loud squawking and a crash of thunder suddenly sounded in the midst of the rock band. Gila and Saul turned to see a short figure in long black cape, rhinestone Elvis costume, and a pair of shades. Strapped to his shoulder was a red flying V guitar, which he swung his arm around to play a cacophonic series of notes that set everyone's teeth on edge. 

"Who the HECK are you?" demanded Gila as he turned on the newcomer who had crashed their show.

"This is UNCOOL man!" Petey Katt shook his head at the sight of the comical duck posing; his hair slicked back into an Elvis hairdo.

"The life of the party, here to ROCK out!" Duckula laughed as he slid the silver rod with the spinning mirror into the top of his guitar and played a lout dissonant chord. Everyone clapped hands over their ears and began to boo. He sent the mirror spinning with the frequency of each note that wailed louder and louder.

"Get off the stage you idiot!" Saul snapped as he strode forwards on platform boots.

"Saul, wait!" Lori cried as she fought her way past the elbows of the people shouting and booing.

"You are wrecking mein guests party!" said Count Squarkencluck as he leapt down from the organ.

"Uncle, auctung!" shouted Professor Squarkencluck as he rushed up, his eyes registering what Duckula had in one hand.

"Ohh I wanna play…" Duckula sang off key, and Gila stormed up, all set to pluck the guitar from his hands as the agents rushed the stage. Whirling around, Duckula aimed the beam of his flashing mirror into Gila's eyes, blinding him. Cursing, Gila stumbled as Duckula pushed him over with one finger and tangled him in the chord before he could get to his medallion of power. The other members of Smooch reached for their magical medallions, but they did so in vain. As if anticipating their actions Count Duckula spun about, beaming his ray and a loud dissonant sound into Petey and Tommy's eyes before they could react. Clapping their hands to their eyes they gasped, and fell rigid.

"CHILL OUT!" Duckula commanded.

"Why you little…" Saul snapped as his hands went for his medallion.

"Oh no boy, there's only room for ONE super star here," Duckula cackled as everyone gasped and started to try to get to their secret agent weapons stashed in their costume.

"Don't look at the light!" Professor Squarkencluck shouted. "It's a mind control…"

Lori leapt up onstage, dragging Saul out of the way before the ray hit him. Out over the secret agents the flickering stroboscopic mirror flashed in a series of pulses, blinding everyone who beheld it. Squarkencluck scrambled onstage, rushing up to his uncle who was rubbing his eyes and standing there like a zombie.

"You fiend!" Squarkencluck cried as Duckula aimed the ray at him. However his glasses suddenly flashed dark black, blocking the ray from view. He grabbed his uncle's glasses off and spun him around.

"What do we do?" Lori cried as Duckula started to beam the ray into the crowd of secret agents. The ray reflected off a large disco ball, which had suddenly dropped from the ceiling, and radiated into the overhead chandelier, magnifying the ray.

"Close your eyes!" Squarkencluck shouted, pushing Lori on top of Saul Stann. "And RUN! Take pretty boy with you!"

She gasped as she closed her eyes, and felt Squarkencluck grab her hands, and tug her. Saul Stann dazed and confused stumbled after her, as Duckula whirled on them and beamed his ray. Lori felt Squarkencluck push her offstage into the crowd of people and bark at her to run before shouts and cries sounded.

"STOP THEM! GET those people!" Duckula shouted into the microphone. "Those gatecrashers are ruining my spotlight!"

"Yes master," said the agents who began to trap Lori and the others. She opened her eyes, glancing at Squarkencluck, who was there with his uncle.

"Run, run…" he shouted. "We'll have to use the trap door…"

"Nephew… he…" gasped the Count.

"He's got the device!" said the Professor as they ducked and dodged the groping hands of the agents. Lori lashed out with her telescopic tail, trying to keep the people at bay from a radius of a few feet.

"What's going on?" Saul gasped, as Lori grabbed his hand. "Who is that guy?"

"Hoert zu, and sprecht nacht!" shouted Count Squarkencluck. "The lever nephew…"

"This way M6!" shouted Squarkencluck, grabbing Lori's tail and yanking her down as suddenly the floor dropped from under them, and Saul Stann grabbed Lori's waist. Under the groping zombie hands they vanished, to the confusion of others.

Duckula glanced back and forth, seeing the heroes disappear, and mumbled, "Sheesh, good help is SO hard to find…"

"Where are they?" a dozen voices shouted. 

"All right, all right, never mind," Duckula said. "You, get Colonel K over there, I'm talking to you. You and that bozo to your left go find them. And you, Dragon guy, and you Cat guy, you go find that Superstar and the two German mad scientists…"

Gesturing to Gila and Petey, he shouted his orders. Both nodded, and Duckula cackled gleefully as they said, "Yes Master… we obey…"

"This is so fun…" he cackled, rubbing his hands together. "With those magic medallions you guys are my super powered slaves. My compliments to Count Von Squarkencluck. And you Tommy, sheep boy, you go find Danger Mouse and Penfold. Give them a SHOCKING good time… if ya know what I mean… while I entertain my captive audience…"

"Yes master," nodded Tommy Brayley, the Space Alien. Gila spanned his black cape, and suddenly took off, flying over the crowd as the Street Katt leapt off the stage and into the crowd, sniffing onto the trail of the Squarkenclucks. The Alien suddenly snapped his fingers and vanished in a haze of silver sparklers, leaving Duckula alone onstage.

"All right. Now, I suppose you're all wondering why I've gathered you here. Well, I wanna introduce you to my one and only finisheer… Duckula's one and only Lonely Band!"

A ghoul, a hobgoblin and two skeletons suddenly walked onstage and picked up the discarded instruments. Duckula aimed his finger at the Smooch sign and zapped it with a flash of energy, and it fell, crashing through the stage to make a huge mess of sparks. "QUAAACK!" he shouted, jumping back and glancing at his band. "One two… one two three four… HIT IT! IT was twenty years ago I'll say, when Duckula began to play…"

A strange haunting melody vibrated the castle, and the costumed agents began to clap as if they were sleepwalking. Colonel K and agent 23 marked off, their hands held before them, their eyes rigid and glowing red. The others slowly swayed to the beat of the undead band, lead by their vegetarian vampire leader who wailed and squawked to some bizarre parody of the monster mash. Although they were aware that what they were hearing was the equivalent of fingernails on chalkboard, nobody could leave, for they were hypnotized in place to the performance.

***

"Good Grief," Danger Mouse gasped when he peered into the room after he had doubled back, seeing Duckula onstage. "I'm too late!"

He wanted to go to help Lori and the others, but was relieved to see Squarkencluck had dragged them off the stage after helping pull his uncle out of the affects of the ray. Because Count Squarkencluck was virtually blind, the ray only had a temporary effect of stunning him, instead of putting him into the hypnotic trance that had befallen the others. Wise of Professor Squarkencluck to pull off his uncle's glasses before Duckula got another shot, he figured. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a pair of sunglasses and slipped them on, hoping the polarized lenses would stop any stray beams from hitting his single eye.

"Blast and botheration, what to do. If I know Squarkencluck, he probably has some ultra secret trap door by the stage for just such an emergency. Good job I scared Bagel and Penfold out of their wits," he noted to himself. By now they had run out of harm's way, and were probably the only ones not affected by the ray. He had heard the rumors of Squarkencluck's new invention, and had a mind to speak rather sternly to the Count and the Professor about leaving it so carelessly around.

"Now, to find the others," he nodded as he rushed off. Unfortunately he couldn't help his fellow agents till he found Squarkencluck, and could find out if there was some way of reversing the ray's effects.

As Danger Mouse picked his way through the dusty corridors, he suddenly heard a loud roar behind him. Whirling about he saw a green eyed black cat with a white mask suddenly pouncing on him. Danger Mouse whirled around, as onyx claws slashed one after the other. As he nimbly leapt, another swipe tagged his coattails, slashing out the back of his coat. Danger Mouse somersaulted out of the way as he came to his feet, facing the attacker.

"You just RUINED a 500 pound costume!" Danger Mouse scolded. "REALLY!"

"RRRROOOW!" hissed the Alley Katt, hunching on his hindquarters, ready to pounce. Danger Mouse backed away, and then froze still. The tail swished back and forth, and the Alley Katt launched himself forward, toward the wall just as Danger Mouse cartwheeled out of the way, and flipped out of his coat. It dropped over the face of the Katt, and DM suddenly pulled off his belt and wrapped it around the coat. Snarling and yowling, the Alley Katt kicked and fussed as DM rushed away.

"Lights out," he quipped as he ran away, laughing to himself. He made his way down the narrow stairs, guessing if Squarkencluck had a secret passageway connecting with a trap door, it would logically terminate in the basement labs. He had not gotten very far when something whooshed over his head, and he felt great heat sizzling the air around him.

"Good Grief what is that?" he gasped as he hit the floor, fire and smoke belching overhead. Coughing and rubbing his eyes, he rolled over and looked at a menacing shape suddenly landing, its long black bat wings extended.

"Your worst nightmare, Danger Mouse," hissed a voice as two red eyes narrowed to slits, and a long tongue dripped with green slime.

"And I suppose you don't know WHO you're dealing with, do you?" Danger Mouse said dryly as he tried to hide the nervousness inside. For the glowing dragon medallion at the Dragon's throat glistened as much as the sharp claws crooking toward him, and the long tail that lashed out. Fire belched toward the White Wonder, and he backed away, only to feel something hit his back. Cold stone, a dead end with no way out.

***

Around them the shouts of the agents had receded into darkness. She heard a low moaning from something breathing softly to one side, and slowly stirred, realizing she was lying on top of something.

"Are vhe all right?" came Squarkencluck's German accented voice.

"Ja, nephew," came the thicker accent from his uncle. "Das is gut dat vhe had the straw in here placed. Ist de fraulein und der Gitarrist alright being?"

"I'm here," mumbled Saul as he moved. "Barely. What on EARTH is going on here, man? Just who WAS that dude who crashed the party?"

"He ist und vampir," said Squarkencluck. Lori gasped with relief when a flashlight clicked on, and the light beamed ghostly up into the scientist's face. It underlit his face like some kid telling a ghost story on a campout and Lori writhed, realizing she was laying on something soft. The Count mumbled as his nephew hauled him to his feet.

"Is that my hand or yours?" she whispered. "Oh geez, sorry… I feel so silly…"

"You don't feel silly to me, babe," said Saul as he helped lift Lori off his lap, and she pulled him up to stand beside her. The Professor's flashlight reflected off the multiple rhinestones on Stan's costume, gleaming like stars trapped underground in the hole.

"Ahem, we are needing to stick to the task at hand being," the Professor said.

"Ja, getting that Vampire out of our home, we are wanting to do," said the Count angrily. "And showing him a lesson are we!"

"Now WAIT, just WHAT was that thing he used to put a whammy on my band mates?" Saul asked.

"Yes, you mentioned a hypnotic device… I thought…" said Lori.

"It was a project I was with my uncle vhorking on," the Professor explained. "This way?"

"Nein, this way," the Count tugged on his nephew's sleeve and indicated they should turn to the left.

"Who's your decorator, Boris Karloff?" asked Stan ruefully as he stumbled over the uneven stone paving the floor of the catacombs. He caught Lori's hand to steady her, gallantly. She shivered with a spark of electricity at his touch. 

"This vhey," said the Count. "Mein laboratory…"

In front of a pair of massive oaken doors they stopped, the flashlight beaming onto the wrought iron beam slid in place to bolt them. Instead of drawing it back, Squarkencluck pressed a panel to the side and a small door opened up just under the second massive metal band midway up the door. Saul sighed as he realized he would halve to almost bend double like Lori did to follow the two moles inside. 

"Tell me more about this invention," Lori said as they stood in the clean and tidy lab, stocked with ultramodern accessories, not at all what Stan would have expected in such a place. Fluorescent lights hung high in the stone walled chamber, which had black topped lab counters and a whole mess of computers and other electronics spares piled neatly on top of them. Tools and computers were here and there along the walls, and Squarkencluck rushed over to punch up a diagram on the screen nearest them.

"The Visualhynotron… a version of the sound device you have encountered before, from Cam-elion Rex, ja?" asked Squarkencluck. "On your last mission… vhen Herr Colonel heard of it, he asked me und mein Onkel to another one for the Agency to fashion. Unlike die andere vhich on the principle of sound operates, dies one on the principle of a patterrrn of light operates…"

"Alternating patterns of light," said the Count. "Trigger a rrrresponse in die kopf,… und trigger a trancelike state… und then the sound of choice conditions di subject…"

"Why make it?" asked Saul. "I mean if it COULD fall into enemy hands, why make it? Don't you agents have enough toys to make people's lives complicated enough?"

"Um, vhell, vhe have a job to do, ja?" said Squarkencluck. "Unlike you, some of us must a living make mit our brains, nicht our voices und good looks…"

"Sorry," mumbled Saul as he flushed.

"It's agents like us who make it possible for you stars to sing whatever you want," Lori said softly. "Don't forget we protect freedom around the world…"

"I'm sorry, I'm just… well how did this Duckula guy get hold of it, and why does he want it?"

"He wants a star to be being," said Squarkencluck. "Und he has put all the agents under his spell…"

"What about Danger Mouse?" asked Saul.

"Here is the cameras view in the main room looking," said the Count as he punched buttons on another console. "Duckula is a captive audience making, ja?"

"Is there a way of counteracting?" Lori asked.

"Do you think we would an invention making without an antidote having?" asked the Count. "Mein nephew und mich may eine bisschen verruckte being, but vhee are not stupid being…"

"But it is not so easy," the Professor sighed. "To break ziz trance. For the device Duckula has ist the only vone, the prototype being…"

"Vhee must another one making being," said the Count. "Und your fellow agents are after Danger Mouse…"

Saul and Lori's eyes darkened in anger when they saw the other cameras flash their views onto a composite bank of screens. Almost every region of the castle had a camera display appear on a large wall mounted flat screen, controlled by a series of buttons pressed by the Count. Upon one screen they saw Bagel and Penfold running away from Colonel K and Agent 23, who was firing an ultra secret ray gun after them. On another they saw Danger Mouse overcome the Alley Katt, only to be backed up against the wall by Gila Scalesimm, the Dragon.

"That monster… he's turned my friends against us…" gasped Saul.

"I've got to help Danger Mouse and Bagel," Lori said. 

"Und who ist going to help us?" asked the Count as they heard a loud banging at the door.

"Drat," mumbled Squarkencluck.

"Hold on a minute," Saul said, reaching for his medallion. "I'm not the super star for nothing. Lori, stand back…"

The door suddenly blasted open, as a crackle of lightening sizzled the lock. Standing there with his hands raised was the Alien, lightening crackling between his fingers. His eyes glowed blue, and his hair frizzed in a black halo around with static electricity.

"Schnell, on the crate be standing!" shouted Squarkencluck to the others as he and his uncle leapt up on some boxes. Lori nodded as she grabbed Saul's hand and pulled him up onto a lab counter when the electricity sizzled into them. They gasped as the lightening pulsed through them. Raising his hand, Saul suddenly narrowed his eyes, and sent a beam of light into Tommy's. The sheep gasped and stood rigid.

"Sehr gut," said the Count as he reached for a large magic want with a ball on top. He tapped each of them in turn, discharging the electricity that had built up on them. 

"Now what?" Saul asked.

"Keep working here. Can you use your powers to reverse the hypnosis, Saul?" asked Lori.

"I'm not sure…" he mumbled. "I mean if they were caused by a device…"

"There ist no time. You two must help Danger Mouse und the others," said Squarkencluck. "Macht schnell!"

"But the agents under Duckula's song…" Lori said.

"Vhee will be taking care of that," said the Count with a grin as he shoed them out the door. "Leave that to me… this is mein berg… mein castle… now macht schnell…. This passage leads to Danger Mouse… and this to Penfold and Bagel…"

"I will be here working, Onkel," said Squarkencluck with a nod. Both nephew and uncle nodded in agreement, their brilliant minds clicking on the same odd frequency. By the look on their faces, they were working the whole plan out, taking all variables into account.

Hand in hand, the two mice rushed off, the Count following them. He showed them to a series of pneumatic tubes that would convey them to other parts of the castle. Opening one, he shoved Lori inside, and then turned to shove Saul into another before he could protest. Then he opened the last, and let it suck him inside.

"Good luck," he wished them both as they were ducted off to their separate parts, Saul to help DM, and Lori to help Bagel and Penfold. That left him to deal with this other upstart Count, an enemy of his family for generations…

"There ist a score to settle, with the Von Squarkenclucks," mumbled the Count as he reached for something in his pocket, a particularly putrid rotten egg.

***

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Narrator: Oh no, will Danger Mouse be flash fried, or the next item on Duckula's Halloween roast? Can Bagel and Penfold escape, and will the Squarkenclucks find a way to reverse their hypno thingy? And just WHAT is the connection between the Duckulas and the Squarkenclucks? What on EARTH is that invention called? And will Smooch's leading man become a falling star? Find out in the next scalding episode of Danger Mouse!


	4. Ducula's rock debut

Tricks are No Treat!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Danger Mouse, he's property of Cosgrove Hall productions. Lori L'amour aka M6 and Bagel are my characters, as are others here. This is fanfiction, not for profit… and no harm to the makers of the World's Greatest cartoon about the World's Greatest Secret agent…

Story 4! WOOHOO! My thanks to Sabertooth Kitty, Ellie ET and all you wonderful DM Agents at Clubdm.com who have encouraged me to continue with the fun! And now to a special Halloween story…

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Tricks are NO Treat

By Trynia Merin

**__**

Part 4

Danger Mouse stood tall in the face of the blazing inferno that was about to hit. Even though his back was up against the wall, he had faced greater dangers then this fire breathing Dragon. As the dragon belched a sheet of flame, DM ducked to one side, and then dropped to the ground, rolling. His legs swept out and kicked at the dragon's boots, knocking them from under him. As the Dragon stumbled about, not knocked over but unsteady, DM rolled to his feet and grabbed the Dragon's scaly armored tail. Whirling the Dragon thrashed it back and forth, DM holding on for grim death as the Dragon spewed flame all about the room as he whirled around.

"YIIIIIEEE!" DM shouted as he whipped back and forth, struggling to hold on as he narrowly avoided being slammed into the wall.

"LET GO of me!" the dragon roared, whirling about as he threshed his tail. Grimly DM climbed up it, his legs flailing as he pulled himself up hand over hand and finally sprung onto the Dragon's shoulders.

"How can you fight what you can't see?" Danger Mouse taunted, suddenly putting his hands over the blazing red coals that flared with crimson rage.

"RRRRAAAAAGGGH!" the Dragon roared, spinning about as his tail hit the wall and he bucked and tossed, his claws reaching up to tear the agent from his shoulders. However Danger Mouse dodged and wove, kicking his legs back as he slid them around the Dragon's neck and began to squeeze in a patented nelson. Spreading his arms the Dragon broke into a blind run and struggled to throw himself against the walls to bash DM off of him.

"I learned a few tricks from your Yankee cowboys, high ho silver!" DM shouted as he continued to squeeze. "I have no IDEA why you're trying to kill me, other then the fact that you're an insane rock star artist… and you're obviously under someone else's… control… but I won't hurt you… much… so I suggest you surrender NOW!"

"RRRAAAGH!" the Dragon roared, slamming into the wall as he flew wildly in the small maze of corridors. DM dug in his heels and steered him around, and then at the last moment leapt off his back. With a mighty crash the Dragon slammed into the far wall, upsetting cobwebs and a suit of armor.

"Tally ho, game set in match…" said DM with a laugh. Unfortunately he spoke too soon, because the Dragon slowly climbed to his feet, his fangs bared as he hissed ferally.

"That was NOT smart, you limey," he growled menacingly. "You see, that might've kayoed any other goon, but the DRAGON is nigh invulnerable…"

"Oh dear," DM sighed as he backed away, the Dragon stalking toward him. Flame belched as DM leapt out of the way. Soon the tables were again turned, but thankfully he had plenty of hallway to run.

"Don't make me HURT you," the Dragon growled. "My boss wants you ALIVE, but I'd love to fricassee a MOUSE right now…"

"And M6 ADMIRES you? Good grief," DM sighed as he ran away, the Dragon in pursuit. Thankfully it was too cramped in the labyrinth of tunnels for the Dragon to fly. But he ran awfully fast in those snake boots, each step slamming like thunder after his own fleet footfalls.

***

"Bagel… it's no use…" Penfold gasped as he ran hand in hand with her around another maze of spiral steps. Fast behind them were Colonel K and Agent 23, their arms in front of them as they chased the two hamsters. 

"Aren't they your friends…" Bagel asked as she led him down another flight of stairs, back in the direction of the grand ballroom. Loud wailing like a sick hound dog hit their ears, and they realized it was the world's worst singer. And some of the NEW music she'd heard sounded FAR sweeter in comparison.

"Oh crikey, it's HIM…"

"Who?" she asked.

"Duckula!" he gasped. "Oh heck he's singing… we can't go back there…"

"Great, zombies behind us, one of them your BOSS and vampire ducks in front of us… what do we do?"

"Yell for help and keep running away!" Penfold cried. "DANGER MOUSE!!!"

"LORI! HELP!" Bagel cried as they realized they were trapped. Even though going into the room where Duckula was singing, or doing what PASSED for singing barely, it was better then facing Penfold's zombified boss and co-workers. At least maybe they could hide and find something to stop their ears up. Likely Danger Mouse would come back and try to rescue them if they heard their screams.

Just then Penfold knocked over a jack o lantern as they rushed past the door and swung it open. Something fell out of it and bagel picked it up. "Oh err, what's this?"

"Wait, it's the codes…" she whispered. "But I thought they were in the tank…"

"Cor Eck… I bet DM hid them here… in case Duckula…"

"We'd better find another place to hide them…" Bagel gasped and suddenly she saw Colonel K and 23 rounding the corner. Shoving them into Penfold's pocket, she glanced at him. Had they seen her holding the paper? Penfold squirmed as her hand slipped inside his jacket and slipped the paper there in the inner pocket.

"Blimey I hope they didn't see that…" he gasped.

"Where to?" she asked him.

"In here…" Penfold gasped as he opened the door, and then put his fingers in his ears. "Oh crumbs that's AWFUL…"

"WHAT?" she cried as she rushed in after him, and they saw the captive audience standing there like sheep, hypnotized by the whirling mirror on the top of Duckula's guitar. He strutted across the stage, wailing and singing as his backup group continued to butcher the Monster Mash song. They robotically clapped their hands and danced with mechanical precision, stiff like robots.

"Oh heck Danger Mouse, where are you?" Penfold cried when he saw the horrible sight. Eyes looked blankly around, as low groans and grunts of assent came from the lips of the boogying agents. IT was an eerie thing, the way they juttered and jigged to Duckula's sonic assault, their eyes glazed and their lips slatted with a chant.

"Duckla's the best, he's the star… he's the master…" they mumbled.

"I can't stand it," Penfold cried as he jammed his fingers in his ears. "Can't… oh heck…"

"Stop up your ears," Bagel gasped as she rushed over to one of the costumed agents, who thankfully didn't notice them, dressed as a mummy, and ripped bandages off to shove in her ears. She dripped candle wax on the strips of bandages and formed some earplugs, trying to stand against the awful cacophony and bad singing. Grabbing some of the bandages she rushed over to where Penfold was huddled on the floor, his fingers jammed in his ears as he struggled to keep from being stepped on by the dancers closest to him. Bagel pulled his fingers out of each ear as she stuffed the wax-coated cloth in, and Penfold glanced up at her with relief on his face.

"C'mon we gotta help them somehow," she gestured.

"EH?" Penfold asked as she dragged him towards the stage. She saw the large power cables leading to the amplifiers and ducked under the dancing zombified agents to grab the plugs. Frantically she tugged on each wire and ripped at them, trying to yank them out of the sockets. Penfold groaned and realized there was no stopping her, so he began to pull on her waist to help her.

Duckula was about to sing the last verse when he heard the music die down, and heard his own voice stop dead. Confused he saw the agents blinking around, and mumbling as they snapped out of their trance. The mirror had stopped spinning, and they were babbling in wonderment. "WHAT the?" Duckula blinked, glancing down at his guitar.

"Stupid cheap piece of junk," he cursed, and held it up by the bridge. In the corner he saw the hamsters yanking out plugs.

"What's going on here?" everyone mumbled. "Where's the band, and who is that?"

"Curses! Everyone listen to me!" he gasped when he realized the confusion had broken his spell. Frantically he spun the mirror again and began to shout at them. The light flickered up and suddenly hit the twirling disco ball, and sparkled again across the lights of those closest tot he stage.

"Master…" they gasped as they were in the trance again.

"Stop those party poopers!" Duckula ordered as he pointed in the direction of Bagel and Penfold. "Time to get SERIOUS!"

"Oh heck…" Penfold cried as he tugged Bagel's hand.

"What else can we wreck…"

"We've got to run," Penfold said.

"What did you say, I can't hear a thing!" she yelled as Penfold tugged at her hand.

"LOOK!" he cried as he spun her around, and they were backed up against the wall, hemmed in by the again tranced agents. 

"Get them!" Duckula shouted as he leapt off the stage and Bagel and Penfold squealed in fear as they struggled against the many hands grabbing them. Kicking and struggling they were dragged over to where Duckula stood in the midst of the crowd.

"Ohhhh…" Bagel gasped.

"Crikey, oh heck!" Penfold cried. Just then Colonel K and the agent 23 trudged up, from one side, joining the rest of their fellow agents.

"I'll take care of THESE two myself," Duckula said, as the crowd parted like the Red Sea, and he stood there, hands on his hips. "The NERVE, being stopped by two little nobodies like you…"

"Ohhh heck… don't hurt us!" Penfold cried.

"Not in the face!" Bagel said.

"Well, well well, if it isn't DM's little friend. And you, my little friend, you won't be needing These," he said as he pulled the earplugs out and cackled at them. Bagel shivered as the hands held her up off the ground and she kicked and struggled as Penfold cried and shrieked.

"Danger Mouse help!" he hollered. "Save us!"

"You can't run, and you can't hide," Duckula laughed. "And I think you'll make LOTS less trouble when you've joined my loyal fan club…"

"You wretch, when Lori and DM get a hold of you…" said Bagel.

"Oh no, my little pretty… they're getting an up close and personal with that clown band, that's named after a peck on the cheek. And I guarantee by now they're all washed up," Duckula leered as he grabbed Bagel under the chin.

"Don't hurt her you rotten creep!" Penfold shouted defiantly, although he was scared. Concern for her was overriding the panicking as he struggled against his captors to no avail. 

"OH now you have a back bone? This is VERY interesting," Duckula laughed. "So, this little friend of yours is more then just a friend… could it be that a zero like you has found someone special?"

"That's NONE of your business!" Bagel shouted.

"My my, how about we tell you a few jokes from my new routine to lighten you up, little girl…" laughed Duckula. "You see, I've got a tough audience here tonight. While they LOVE my music, I've been unable to get what I REALLY want from them…"

"And that would be WHAT?" Penfold asked. "Applause?"

"Aren't we brave all of a sudden, little man?" Duckula sneered at him. "I don't know… nobody seems to know where those SECRET codes are. I asked EACH and every one of them to shout out where they were when they were hearing my solo, but NOBODY came forward. I really HATE it when I can't get a clear answer…"

"What use are they to you?" Bagel asked. "I thought you wanted to make it in show biz?"

"Don't you see, I could get a LOT of money for them. And with my loyal fan base here, I can plant them in audiences all around the world, and with the money I get from selling the secret codes to the highest bidder I'll finance my own career," said Duckula with a laugh as he glanced at her. "And since you DO know they exist, maybe you'd be so KIND As to let me know where they are?"

"Why not ask DANGER mouse?" sneered Bagel.

"Yeah, when he gets through with you, you'll be BEGGING for mercy!" said Penfold defiantly.

"Oh really? Well, since he's getting barbecued, right now…"

"OH no, what did you do?" asked Bagel.

"I even asked old Colonel K here, but he's a tough nut to crack. Because he said they were hidden in the apple bobbing tub, and unfortunately he wasn't right," Duckula shook his head as he pointed to where several agents were dunking their heads under the water and blindly bopping for apples. "And I have a feeling that Danger Mouse DOES know… and when he sees YOU two at my mercy, he'll plead with me and let me know. But I can't help but think one of YOU might know, on the off chance DM let it slip where they were?"

"No way!" Bagel said. "There's NO way I know anything!"

"I don't either!" Penfold said firmly. 

"Oh really, are you SURE you don't know where those codes are?"

"They DO know where they are," said Colonel K blankly. "Master… there was… another place…."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Duckula asked, hands on his hips as he turned to the colonel.

"You didn't ask, Master…" he said gruffly.

"Sheesh, you TRY to get good hypnotized zombie help and they bite the neck that feeds them…" Duckula shook his head. "So if you DO know something now, care to share?"

"Ask them…" the Colonel pointed. "Just before they entered, I saw the paper… the codes… they were…"

"I am your master. You MUST tell me…"

"I… can't… won't…"

"Oh yes you will… how about YOU, 23? Did you SEE them?"

"I didn't see the phone book page they were written on, no," said Agent 23 in his trance. "And no, I didn't see those two put them into their pockets… but who knows they might have hidden them somewhere else"

"Well, well…" Duckula turned on them. "Hide and seek? Well, why don't we start by asking YOU… missy…"

"No way!" Bagel firmed her lip. "I know NOTHING…"

"Well let me ask you something…What do you get when you throw an egg timer out the window?"

"Um… I hate to ask what…" Bagel shuddered.

"Time flying… get it… "

"Ugh that's so old!" Bagel moaned.

"My dog has no nose…"

"How can he smell if he doesn't have a nose?" asked Bagel, blinking. "That's lame!"

"He smells horrible, get it?" Duckula cackled. Bagel shuddered at the poor juvenile joke.

"Now just WHAT do you think you'll gain telling me bad jokes I learned in first grade on bubble gum wrappers?" Bagel asked him, shivering at the maniacal look in his face.

"Very simple. You tell me where the list is, and I'll stop. And if not, I'll keep trying out my routine. Or maybe Penfold here will be more cooperative. He KNOWS how I like to try out new material… doesn't he?"

"Don't… stop! Please… don't do it, anything but that!" Penfold begged. "Don't hurt her!"

"Knock knock…" Duckula leaned close, glaring her right in the eyes.

"Nobody's home…" Bagel shuddered.

"I said… KNOCK KNOCK!" Duckula shouted in her face.

"Go fly a KITE!" Bagel snapped.

"Tough crowd," he shook his head, and then poked her in the ribs as he continued to taunt, "KNOCK KNOCK!"

"Sorry, you'll HAVE to listen now…" Duckula laughed as he raised the mirror and started it spinning in front of her eyes. 

"No… you can't make me…" Bagel gasped.

"Knock knock… knock knock…"

"OH no…" she gasped.

"Don't… don't do it, take me instead!" Penfold cried, as Bagel's eyes grew blank behind her glasses.

"Who's there…?" she said blankly.

"Banana…" Duckula said, waving the mirror before her face.

"Banana who…"

"Knock knock," Duckula again repeated.

"Who's there…"

"Banana…" he again taunted.

"Banana who?" Bagel said dully, following the mirror as it waved back and forth.

"Oh the horror!" Penfold pleaded. "Don't… please, I'm begging you!"

"Knock knock…" Duckula whispered, moving closer to Bagel, her eyes blankly staring into his, which gleamed like two candle flames.

"Don't answer, please!" Penfold begged as he saw sweat on her face.

"Knock knock… I said," Duckula sternly repeated.

"Who's… there?" Bagel murmured, unblinking as all her will deserted her.

"Orange…."

"Orange… who?"

"Ohhh no! Bagel, please no! You FIEND!" he cried.

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?" Duckula leered as he began to cackle insanely. \

"Oy vey," Bagel winced. 

"Well don't just stand there you idiots, laugh! It's SUPPSED to be funny? Get it… orange?"

"Hahahahahah," the ensnared agents laughed flatly. Bagel joined them, her own laugh suppressed and a mocking parody of its usual sweet self.

"Ohhh no… the agony… please… stop I'm begging you!" Penfold cried. "Let her go, anything but that! Take ME instead…"

"Well, I hit a nerve didn't I? Don't worry, chum, I've got a million for you too… and all you have to do is tell me WHERE the codes are…"

"Ohh lummy…." Penfodl sobbed as he turned back to Bagel.

"Or else I'll keep trying my routines out on your girlfriend here…"

"Ohh DANGER MOUSE, please save us… don't do this to her… please…" Penfold whimpered as Duckula spun the mirror again at her, and he heard her faked laughter to another stinker of a knock knock joke.

***

"This is getting monotonous," mumbled DM as he ran around another corner, and found a dead end, the Dragon belching fire at him. He dodged the flame, only to be knocked off balance as the tail spun and swiped him.

"I agree… stay still so I can burn you to a crisp!" the Dragon growled as he again breathed another tongue of flame.

"I'm allergic to sudden death," said DM as he dodged for the umpteenth time. Where was a bucket of water when you needed one?

"This is getting boring," said the Dragon. "Time for something ELSE… how about this…"

He dodged forward, and suddenly green slime shot out of his mouth and landed on DM, who wiped at his suit, looking at disdainful disgust, "Ugh… this is my BEST suit…" as he pawed slime off out his face. While he was distracted, the Dragon's tail whipped out and wrapped around him, as the Dragon pulled him close and grabbed a few of the chains from his costume, latching them around DM's waist to pin his arms at his side. DM landed on the ground with a thump, trussed in several yards of chain from the Dragon's costume.

"Finally, results," he laughed as DM struggled.

"I say that was BAD pool," DM snorted, glancing up as he blinked, green slime all over his body. With a puff of fire that shot over, him, h e winced, and the slime suddenly hardened, so he couldn't use it to slip out of the chain. The flames licked over with such precise control, they did not harm DM, only singed his fur a tad.

"Good. And NOW maybe that I've GOT your attention, Ill ask you where some secret CODES are?"

"What has that maniac told you?" DM asked.

"Hmm, I guess you're gonna be a tough guy. No matter. The master asked me to bring you back, so I'm gonna do that," he said, grabbing DM up and slinging him over his broad spiked shoulder lick a sack of potatoes.

"This is terribly undignified!" DM shouted as the Dragon carried him through the maze of corridors.

"Oh, you'll deal," the Dragon laughed.

"He's obviously got you under a spell. I can't say I think that you LIKE having someone telling a big bad rock star, and famous person like yourself what to do, do you?"

"Never you mind. He's the master…"

"From what Lori has said about you men of smooch, you don't like to get pushed around. You're a rock star artist aren't you? I think the LAST thing you want is to be taking orders from a duck… who stole your show… I mean he IS performing while you're chasing around down here…"

"Huh?" the Dragon asked. 

"Surely you're not as dim witted as you appear," DM said slowly.

"Shut up," the Dragon mumbled as he reached the stairs that lead up. There was thankfully silence, for the wailing concert had stopped.

"Hmm, as I recall, he took the stage, and stopped your performance. Or are you really thick headed as well as thick skinned?" DM taunted. If this Dragon were under hypnosis, maybe some anger would break the spell. OR so he hoped.

"None of your BIZZ wax, mouse!" the Dragon roared, and suddenly tossed DM down.

"My my, we are touchy," DM clicked his tongue.

"Nobody tells Gila SCALESIMM, the LEGEND of ROCK and the THUNDER God what to do!" he roared.

"Oh no, nobody told you to come chasing after ME while he steals your spotlight at a party you were supposed to play at?" DM leered up at the Dragon, whose eyes blazed crimson.

"Shut up!" he roared.

"You are being set up," DM said. "Used, like a thug. He's going to steal your audience, and he's got you BRAINWASHED. You think your adoring FANS will want to hear about how the mighty Dragon of Smooch was used like a fool?"

"RRRRRGGGAAAGH!" the Dragon roared at DM, who wriggled away like a caterpillar.

"I hope it works," DM said. "Because if it didn't, I just made a rather BIG error in judgement…"

"I'll SMASH you, you little rodent!" he said. "Nobody makes a fool out of Gila Scalesimm!"

"But he is… and you ARE a fool… to let a big bad lizard like you be controlled by a scrawny, puny vampire duck…" DM said as he inched up the wall to a standing position, and his fingers wriggled in an attempt to find any sort of weakness in the steel chains wrapping around him. "And didn't he tell you to bring me unharmed?"

"I HATE a SMART ALECK!" the Dragon roared, advancing on DM.

"STOP! Gila, man you HAVE to stop!" shouted a voice. Standing there was Lori, in her Smooch groupie outfit.

"What?" he turned around.

"Stop this, it's not LIKE you! You can't hurt him! He's a hero! And you're a rock star. Do you want your fans to know you've hurt the world's greatest secret agent?" Lori asked as she rushed up.

"You… I know you doll, you're from the concert… you're dressed like us…"

"I'm one of your biggest fans. Please Gila, don't do this… you're under a spell, and you have to break free… you're being used…" Lori implored.

"Nobody controls me," he growled, turning on her as DM struggled with his chains.

"But they are, don't you see? And while you're here he's probably doing something awful. Please, you have to FIGHT to control!" Lori said. 

"I… wait…" he blinked. 

"Remember he crashed your concert," said DM. "Right in the middle of the show. You were hired to entertain, not chase agents… you're a performer… you've got to fight back…"

"I'm confused… I don't let people boss me around, but wait… I had to go after you… he commanded me…" Gila blinked, holding his head, as his eyes flared orange in confusion.

"Gila, please, I've admired you and Saul for years. You're not monsters. You're just singers who have special powers…"

"I AM a monster," Gila growled. "And I smash, and destroy… the Master… wait, I have no master… what am I saying?"

"You see, you're being manipulated, you must fight!" Lori cried.

"I don't WANNA smash him, but Duckula said… bring him back… and everything about me wants to PULVERIZE him…" Gila gasped. "How do I know YOU'RE not trying to trick me?"

"Please Gila… don't do this… fight, prove how strong you are!" Lori said as he growled low in his throat and began to advance on her.

"You're all trying to TRICK me," he growled. "Stop telling me WHAT to do!"

Lori tumbled out of the way as his fireballs hit and he leapt at her with a roar. She dodged his tail and then swiped out with her own telescoping tail, which whipped around his legs, tugging. Growling his own tail wrapped around her waist, yanking her legs out and hurling her to the side where she slammed into DM. 

"I don't want to fight you," she gasped as she shook herself off, and held up her hands. A quick left and a right cracked out, but her blows were blocked as Gila grabbed her wrists, and his tail snared her body.

"I… must obey…" he growled. "Must… take him back… must…"

"No please!" Lori said.

"Let her go," Dm gasped. Just then a purple beam sizzled past Gila's cheek and he snorted, turning his head to one side.

"That's enough Gila, you big goon!" shouted Saul Stann as he stood to one side. "Put the girl down NOW!"

"I don't believe this, I'm being rescued by a rock star," DM sighed. 

"Danger Mouse, are you all right?" asked Saul.

"Yes, but I can't get free… and Lori…"

"I'll take care of this. Gila put her down NOW. I don't want to have to put you down, but if I have to…"

"Shut up fancy pants… always getting all the attention and the girls. I'm SICK of it!" Gila roared.

"Let her go. You've been brainwashed man," Saul said. "You don't HAVE to do this. We have to go kick that vampire duck's tail!"

"You want her, she's YOURS! I've got a package to deliver!" Gila shouted as he hurled Lori at Saul. Quickly he caught her as the Dragon turned and grabbed Danger Mouse.

"Put me DOWN you overgrown garter snake!" DM shouted as the Dragon suddenly found himself in a room large enough where he could spread his wings and sail up the huge stairs to the ballroom where Duckula awaited him.

"Oh that went great," Saul sighed as he held Lori, stunned in his arms. He rushed after Danger Mouse, still carrying Lori.

"Um Saul, you can put me down now…" she blushed.

"Oops, sorry. I'm just trying to make sure you're all right," he said as he carried her quickly up the stairs, in hot pursuit of the dragon.

"Thanks for saving me," she smiled up at him. "But DM…"

"I'll help you save him, even if I have to clobber that goon with my relaxer ray," said Saul. "I should have hit him with it, but he's one of my best friends…"

"I know," she nodded. "But wait… what's that noise… it sounds like…"

"Someone screaming…"

"Penfold!" DM's shouts came as they reached the door. "Let him GO you fiend!"

***


	5. Tricks are no treat!

Tricks are No Treat!

__

Disclaimer: I don't own Danger Mouse, he's property of Cosgrove Hall productions. Lori L'amour aka M6 and Bagel are my characters, as are others here. This is fanfiction, not for profit… and no harm to the makers of the World's Greatest cartoon about the World's Greatest Secret agent…

Story 4! WOOHOO! My thanks to Sabertooth Kitty, Ellie ET and all you wonderful DM Agents at Clubdm.com who have encouraged me to continue with the fun! And now to a special Halloween story…

*********************************************************************************

****

Tricks are NO Treat

By Trynia Merin

Part 5

The Dragon tossed Danger Mouse down before Duckula, who stood by two hamsters, one sobbing and crying, as the other stood blankly, sweating profusely.

"DM! OH thank GOODNESS, he's torturing poor Bagel…"

"Oh what have you DONE to my poor little friend, and Bagel?" DM shouted at Duckula who glanced down at him.

"I brought him, Master," said the Dragon.

"You fiend!" DM hissed as Duckula strode up, and suddenly stepped on DM'S feet, levering him up as he grabbed the snared agent by the front of his chains. Shoving his bill into DM's nose he leered.

"Well well, here we are. Suppose you tell me where those codes are and we can forget all this melodrama. I've got a career to finance…"

"You sick… demented… Dragon, can't you see he's using you?" DM turned to the Dragon, but Duckula grabbed his face and poked his bill into DM's nose again.

"Look at me when I'm TALKING to you, mouse!" said Duckula angrily. "I'm SICK and TIRED of being pushed aside from the limelight by you. I'm gonna MAKE it or else you're gonna get BROKEN…"

"My my, we are touchy… just like a prima donna star…" DM taunted.

"Now, we can make this easy, or make it hard. You tell me where the codes are, and your two friends will have to listen to my next act as mindless zombies. If you don't, you'll join them, only YOU will have the privilege of seeing them alert and not so willing to hear me… choice is yours…"

"Never… you fiend," DM hissed.

"Don't do it DM," Penfold cried. 

"Don't do it…"

"Danger MOUSE!" cried Penfold as Saul kicked open the door with a silver platform boot and gasped at what he saw.

"Oh GREAT, party crashers," said Duckula as he glared at the tall slender mouse with silky black fur, and the whiteface. Brown eyes glistened, one of them covered with a black star, a lovely agent in his arms.

"You've played your last solo, you excuse for a musician!" Saul shouted. 

"Gila, he's stealing the spotlight. Take care of him…" Duckula said. "Now is your chance. If you rub him out, you'll be the front man in MY band…"

"This will be MY pleasure," said Gila with a leer.

"Um, maybe you should put me down now…" said Lori as she shivered. 

"Um, yes… I've got a feeling I'm going to have my hands full," Saul said as he put Lori down, and they both dodged out of the way of a firebolt from the Dragon.

"Here we go again," said DM with a sigh. He struggled again with his chains.

"OH DM, what are we going to do," sobbed Penfold. "He's got Bagel in a trance…"

"Brave heart Pnfold… at least I'm here… we'll figure SOMETHING out," DM said as he struggled. "Now if only I can remember that escapology course…"

"Saul, free DM!" shouted Lori as she leapt up and onto the Dragon's back. Saul rolled over and aimed his laser vision at DM, who gasped as the chains were neatly sliced down the middle. 

"Thank you very much…" DM gasped as Saul helped him up.

"Look out!" Saul said, pushing DM out of the way. Lori leapt up and over the Dragon's head, landing by Bagel and Penfold. Saul turned, aiming his laserbeam at the Dragon's firey breath. His beam widened, purple light streaming to match the Dragon's fiery plumes and pushed it back. In the meantime, DM untied Penfold's ropes, as Lori tried to free Bagel.

"Oh no you don't," Duckula snapped as he swung at Lori. 

"Not today, thank you," she snapped as she snared his feet with her tail and tripped him. 

"Oh DM," Penfold cried as he hugged him. "You HAVE to help her, and Bagel…"

"Steady on," said DM as they rushed over to where Bagel lay. "Look after her Penfold. I've got to help Lori with Duckula…"

"You give him one for ME!" said Penfold angrily as he pulled Bagel onto his lap, and gently patted her cheek. She gazed up past him, unblinking, with a glazed look in her eyes.

"No so fast, pretty," said Duckula as he flashed his rhinestone studded jacket in Lori's eyes, blinding her. He slipped out of her tail, and then flashed the mirror in her eyes. She struggled against the spell, groaning as he will deserted her.

"Now, I'll ask you again…"

"That's far enough, you vegetarian nightmare!" came a loud voice. Everyone turned to see Count Von Squarkencluck standing there with a handful of rotten cabbage. "Danger Mouse, catch!"

"Thank you!" DM shouted as he grabbed the cabbage and suddenly rushed up to Duckula, who held Lori at bay with his spinning mirror.

"Get back, you monster!" DM said, as he waved it before Duckula.

"UGGGH!" Duckula gasped. "Not the cabbage… peeeyeww…"

"Get back, you zombies, be free!" shouted Squarkencluck as he moved quickly for his old age, rushing over to where Penfold and Bagel huddled, Penfold softly stroking her face and sniffling sadly. He was unable to bring her out of her trance. The zombies groaned and held their noses, suddenly blinking as Squarkencluck's uncle waved the cabbage in their faces.

"Works every time," he giggled. "Now… meine kleine Freund, vas is vrong?"

"She's under a spell and I can't wake her," Penfold cried. "Oh please say you can help her…"

"Simple, Penfold," he said, handing him a rotten cabbage leaf. "Vave it under her nose. Ja?"

"Let her go NOW!" DM shouted, advancing on Duckula. He brought the mirror up, and spun it, the light flashing across the crowd.

"STOP HIM!" he shouted to the crowd. Still light flared and fire flickered as the Super Star and the Dragon exchanged volleys of fire for laser beams, their fingers locking as they wrestled against one another. DM glanced back and forth wildly as the crowd, including Colonel K and Agent 23 advanced on him. He waved the cabbage before them, barely keeping the circle from closing round him.

"That's far enough, you biological menace," Professor Squarkencluck said as he pushed his way through the crowd. 

"Uh oh," Duckula gasped when he saw an identical spinning mirror in the hands of his nemesis.

"Why doesn't the rotten cabbage work to break the trance?" asked DM as he shouted to Squarkencluck, the Count.

"Because, mein device…" said Squarkencluck. "And for that, I am most sorry… ja?"

"You… stay away…" Duckula gasped as both DM and the Professor advanced on him, while the Count kept the zombies away from Penfold and Bagel. Still Gila and Saul dueled.

"Du! Shupershtar… you… Schtan… use your mind control on him!" shouted the Count to Saul.

"But…"

"Do it! It vill break the spell!" shouted Professor Squarkencluck as he tossed something to him. "Catch!"

A glimmering mirror arched overhead and landed in Saul's hand as he backed away from the Dragon. Holding it up he beamed his laser vision into it, and then the purple light whirled and spun about the room, bouncing off the disco ball. Beams of purple energy richoched and flashed in everyone's eyes, freeing them from the spell.

"I don't get it," DM mumbled.

"It is simple, ja?" Count Squarkencluck shouted to DM. "Vampires use a phorm of telepathic hypnosis on their victims… und this Shupershtar uses telepathy. So… he ist die vone to undo it…"

"You're free!" shouted Saul. The beam suddenly richoched and spun, hitting Bagel in the eyes, and then Lori. Gasping she looked up at Penfold, who leaned over her in concern.

"Oy vey, those jokes… were awful!"

"OH thank goodness you're all right!" Penfold cried as he hugged her.

"I'm free… I'm free," she laughed as she hugged him back.

"Now, for you," said DM. "Shall you, or I?"

Nodding to the Count, DM advanced as Professor Squarkencluck, and Count Squarkencluck rushed up, each holding rotten cabbages and eggs. Duckula held up his hands, squawking as he hissed and backed away.

"Ohhh nooo!" he cried.

"You… what…" Gila Scalesimm, the Dragon gasped and blinked as he looked at Saul spinning the mirror, and extending the affects of his power to break the trance. "One moment I wanted to splatter you, and now I'm… it's like waking from a dream…"

"That creep put you in a trance…" Saul pointed to where DM and the Squarkenclucks advanced on Duckula.

"Wait till I get through with him!" Gila's eyes flared red.

"Don't worry, I think DM and the others have it under control…" Saul laughed as Duckula suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"How did you know?" DM turned to the Squarkenclucks. "You're a scientist professor…"

"Mein family has been fighting vampires vor generations," the Count looked at his nephew. "Shimple, ja?"

"Ja," nodded Squarkencluck, the professor.

"Someone MIND telling me WHAT the deuce is going on here?" Colonel K demanded, rubbing his eyes and looking confusedly around.

"OH just another case solved, by the world's greatest secret agent," said DM with a smile as he helped Lori up. 

"Lori…" Saul rushed over, followed by Gila. "Are you all right?"

"Yes…" she said, as he ran over and hugged her. "Thank you, for saving us…"

"My pleasure, but DM is the real hero," said Saul.

"It was all in a day's work," DM said with a shy look. "You would make a rather good agent yourself…"

"Yeah right, he's already taking all the glory… and he's got the James Bond looks already…" said Gila sarcastically, thumping Saul on the back. 

"Oh gosh, Tommy and Petey," gasped Saul, as he still held Lori around the waist. "Are they ok?"

"They are fine, Herr Schtann," said Professor Squarkencluck as the agents all rubbed their eyes. "Vhe have not scheen the last of Duckula…"

"Not by a long shot," DM nodded grimly as he moved over to Lori, and patted her shoulder. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," she smiled. "Thank you…"

"Cor DM, I'm so glad you're all right," Penfold sighed as he walked up, holding Bagel's hand. 

"So am I…"

"But please, NO more practical jokes…" Bagel begged.

"You are no fun," he chuckled.

"Oh you are terrible," said Bagel. "Here, let's shake and call it even…" 

DM took her hand, and then suddenly yelped as he pulled it back. "Yeow!!!"

"Gotcha," Bagel laughed. DM saw the joy buzzer in her hand, and shook his head.

"Good grief! Very clever… I suppose I had that coming… I'm just annoyed I didn't think of that…"

"Oh crikey," sighed Penfold. 

"What IS it with you and Halloween anyway?" Lori asked DM. He folded his arms across his chest and gave a rather guilty look.

"Well, we're waiting DM," Penfold tugged his elbow.

"Saul, you WOULD make a good agent. I mean you guys ARE heroes when you're not playing right?" asked Lori as she turned to him.

"Well yes," Saul said, looking at Gila.

"Uh huh. Wait a minute, you're not thinking what I THINK you're thinking, are you, man?" Gila asked.

"Well, we ARE traveling all around the world," Saul said. "And well, I was just thinking, would it HURT to um… work as secret agents once in a while? I mean THEY help keep nasty villains like Duckula and Greenback away…"

"Hmm, it could have some marketing potential," Gila mumbled. "Just think of all the money we could make designing vehicles for the secret service… and patenting them… the revenues would make millions…"

"Doesn't he think of ANYTHING besides money?"

"Yeah, women," said Gila. "Pretty women, like you baby. OH… and plenty of food… not to mention comic books…"

"Oh brother," sighed Lori. "And as for you saving me, there is ANOTHER tradition which may seem somewhat sexist, but must be done…"

"Which is?" Saul winked his star covered eye at her.

"This," she said, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. He held her close and gave the kiss back, and smiled at her.

"That's a tradition that MUST be upheld."

"Hey what about me?" asked Gila.

"Get your own date for the night…"

"Oh yeah, plenty to chose from," Gila laughed as he walked out into the crowd of agents still confused.

Already Squarkencluck moved behind the organ, and started to play a credible version of a rather gothic sounding waltz. He then broke into an upbeat and MUCH better version of the Monster Mash, and everyone began to dance.

"I thought we were playing," Gila mumbled as he walked past with a pretty girl agent, a fox dressed as an angel and a crow dressed as a devil on either arm.

"Oh shaddup," grinned Tommy as he was dancing with a young girl sheep, in a Martian costume.

"Quite," he smiled. "Let's have a good time, shall we? And get this list to the Colonel…"

"Happy Halloween," said Danger Mouse to Penfold. "And I trust you STILL have those codes?"

"Er right here DM," said Penfold reaching into his pocket and handing them to DM. "But please can we go HOME now? All this scaring is tiring me out!"

"Of course," DM nodded. "But AFTER we enjoy the rest of the party… and THIS time no pranks… almost none…"

"Good, because I have a lot MORE when that joy buzzer came from," said Bagel with a wink at DM. 

As Penfold and Bagel moved over to get some punch and cookies, DM turned to where Saul and Lori were standing, slowly dancing to the music. 

"DM, about what you said about me making a good agent…" he asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you think possibly, that me and the guys could enter the training course… you know… just as an enhancement to our career… I mean we could make pretty good agents, since we're a rock band, and well, we WERE pledged to use our powers to help mankind…"

"Good grief," DM laughed. "That's a new one. What about your tour?"

"We're up for a hiatus…"

"Being an agent is NOT glamour and games," DM said with a snort. "I'm not sure you're ready…"

"Hey, being a musician isn't fun and games either," Saul said with a challenge in his eyes. "Hours on a bus, traveling from place to place, hours of rehearsals… it's NOT easy…"

"Quite," said DM with a cough.

"DM, can't you just ease off?" Lori asked with a smile. "Just because he's a rock star doesn't mean he's a degenerate…"

"Well, he HAS proved himself useful," DM said, as he shook Saul's hand. "But if your intentions toward M6 are what I presume they are, you can't expect her to shirk from her duty, and just by thinking you can waltz in and expect to monopolize and distract her time by PRETENDING to be an agent…"

"That's not it at all," Saul said slowly. "I um… well…"

"Guys, it's my decision," Lori said. "Stop being such a big brother DM…"

"Fifi asked me to look after you," DM said slowly. 

"That's good, and you KNOW I wouldn't do ANYTHING to hurt her," Saul said with his arm around Lori's waist. "And the night isn't over…"

"But what about when you go about the world on tour?"

"We go about the world on missions," Lori said. "And we are just dancing…"

"Indeed," DM nodded slowly. "But dancing can lead to other things…"

"I'm a big girl, DM," she smiled.

"True," he nodded. "But it will take much to convince me that this gentleman is agent material… especially resorting to magical powers…"

"Powers were granted to me to help others," Saul said. "And you have secrets of your own, don't you, Danger Mouse…"

"Indeed," DM nodded. "Indeed…"

Seeing Lori standing next to the rock star, he remembered his own youth, not too long ago, but longer ago then Lori's stage of life. When things were less complicated, and the world was a much larger place. What was this strange need to play pranks in the face of danger, then to turn around and be so stiff and proper, Lori wondered? She had seen a glimpse of DM's playful and mischievous nature, but she couldn't help but wonder what Saul knew about DM hiding "secrets." Had the last time they met, where Saul had reached out to tough DM's mind and help bring his soul back from that other place, learned something about one another as their minds were close together?

"I trust nothing will go past us," he looked at Saul. 

"Nothing," he nodded. "You're agent's after all."

DM nodded to himself and moved off to find Penfold. As he glanced at the couple dancing he noticed Lori was still wearing the sign he'd taped to her back. He gave himself a grin as he patted Saul's shoulder, and left a similar sign taped to the back of the rock star. As Gila and others saw the couple dance playfully past, they giggled.

The sign said Secret Agent wannabe… searching for a clue….

"DM, really," Penfold groaned when he looked up from where he was standing with Bagel, feeding her jelly babies and humbugs from a plate and saw the couple pass by.

"Are you SURE he's quite sane?" Bagel whispered.

"I suppose he can get away with being daft once a year… at least," Penfold whispered. "And cor, get a look at what DM's sign says…"

"Huh?" Bagel asked as Penfold pointed to DM, who was debriefing Colonel K. As the Chief turned; the sign taped to his back said "The White Blunder…"

"Oh you DIDN'T…" Bagel laughed.

"Go on… he deserved it," Penfold grinned.


End file.
